Why Men Hate Going to Church Week Two Reflections

We had another fun night.  Several guys told me they really enjoyed the first night, had a conflict this week, but will be back for the rest of the study.  That said, we still had more than 20 guys participate and the discussion was once again lively!  Our three chapters were “Who Are the Missing Men?,” “The Masculinity Bank,” and “The Two Jesuses.”  I will give my brief overview of all three and then welcome your comments below. 

“Who Are the Missing Men?” refers to the guys we are not seeing in church.  They tend to be young single men (no surprise here, the church struggles attracting young women too), guys in society’s leadership roles are fed up with the ineffectiveness of the church, and guys that are “high testosterone” men.  Check out a great pair of charts on page 181 & 182.  Flip back and forth and tell me what you think. They seem to be in direct inverse relationship to each other. As a boy becomes a man and his testosterone level spikes, he shies away from going to church because he doesn’t see it as manly and is more apt to return to the church later in life when his level drops. 

Young men and high testosterone men want to takes risks in life, whereas females and older men tend to value security, which they find in church as we’ve constructed it.  Murrow says all too often the modern church displays a passive, safe environment led by a gentle Lamb of God because this is acceptable to the outside world, pastors can handle their parishioners better (less conflict and controversy to deal with), and frankly it’s largely appealing to women who fill our pews.     

This brings us to “The Two Jesuses” which are simply two characterizations we put out of Christ.  The first is a soft and loving Lamb of God who forgives us and accepts all.  The second is the Lion of Judah who turns over the money changers’ tables in the table, often gets in the face of the Pharisees, and confronts us, his disciples, when we err or don’t think things can be done.  Both are true about Jesus, but the church tends to focus on the lamb of God (I’m just as guilty as the next church leader) and puts the lion of Judah in a cage in the storage room never to see the light of day. 

But here’s the rub… men LIKE the lion of Judah.  The same way we respect a sports coach who gets in the face of his players out of love, the reason we chug down slimly protein shakes, work out our muscles beyond fatigue, or admire a teacher who demands the impossible from his or her students.  We like the challenge of God.  Christ’s first charge to us is a challenge (to men, btw) – “follow me.”  Men respond to challenge.  Men respond to crisis.  Men follow a strong leader, which Christ certainly was and is. 

The final chapter we discussed is a funny one titled “The Masculinity Bank.” The premise is a man begins collecting coins around age seven and continues a lifetime.  Every time he does something “manly” i.e. stays to the end of a sporting event, fires up a chainsaw, etc. you put a coin in.  Every time you do something that challenges your masculinity i.e. holding a purse (I have a zero-tolerance purse holding philosophy), you take a coin out.  There’s a great chart on page 42 where Murrow polled 100 guys outside of sportsmen’s show in Alaska where they thought an event was more feminine, masculine, or neutral.  Unfortunately the vast majority saw attending church and Sunday school as a feminine activity.  But it doesn’t have to be this way and we don’t have to destroy the current model or reinvent the church to get there.  More on that in the weeks ahead.

This Thursday we will dive into Victoria’s Secret…When We Lost the Men, Men and Contempory Worship, and Twelve Things Men Fear About the Church.  See you at 7:30 p.m. at Parlor City!

In Christ,-Pr. Craig